If Our Words Were Once Sweethearts
by Lady of Spring Rain
Summary: What if it was Cuddy who tore apart the 'relationship' that Cuddy and House had in college? House leaves Cuddy a message explaining why.
1. Chapter I

**Hey! So this is a different take on the past relationship that Cuddy and House had. We always assume that House messed up the relationship, but what if it was Cuddy? **

**Huddy. 3**

**Rating: T for drama, angst, pain, alcohol**

**Read and Review! And enjoy...:P**

**Disclaimer: I don't own House M.D. or (If There's) No Hope For Us by Arab Strap**

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_If our words were once sweethearts  
Now they're ugly, violent thugs.  
How did our language come to this?  
We speak in grunts and sighs and shrugs  
And we never used to let just one spare moment  
Go to waste but now you're hardly ever here  
And when you are  
You're bored and chaste_

It used to be fun, happy and romantic. The girl I was required to tutor always had something hidden up her sleeve that could make me laugh. I started to look forward to the tutoring sessions every Thursday. She knew about my reputation – evil, player, egotistical – but she didn't really care. She knew that I was good at what I did. Of course we slept together, multiple times. Why wouldn't we? It was convenient. Somehow I started logging her as mine. She wasn't, I had little to no claim on her, but in my mind she was mine. Things grew awkward fast, I still regret that you know….

You used to tell me that those rumors were just that, rumors. You didn't believe I was inherently evil, you were so innocent. You would believe anything if I wanted you to. Remember when I said you weren't as pretty as I orginally thought you were? I said that after…after I visited my family. I love my mother, don't get me wrong, but my father was nothing more then a jerk. I mentioned you, said you were pretty and intelligent. I think my mother picked up what I was trying to say, my father's response was to tell me that you were worth more then I ever would be.

You wonder where I get my persuasive behavior from, I got it from my father. He could make you believe a mouse was a man. He convinced me, through hate and dark, that you wouldn't want anything to do with me if you really knew me. That you were better then me and that you simply felt pity for me. I couldn't stand that. I hated him but he was never wrong…well he was, but I agreed with him this time. I tried to drive you away, make you so miserable that you wouldn't ever want anything to do with me. I didn't want to hurt you.

You fell for the façade, you believed me. Somehow though, you were still mine. Mine to protect, have and mine exclusively. I'm not sorry about what happened to Cody. He had that coming, he almost hit you. You hated me for getting him kicked from the school but…maybe I knew more then you did. I couldn't express it though. I'm still like that aren't I? You're mine and I can't seem to let anyone else have you. I'm not sorry about it now…you are mine for as much as I'm yours.

Stacey always hated you. She found a picture of us at college football games and she said I looked so happy. Happier than I ever had been with her. When I got a job at Princeton Plainsboro she applied just so she could keep an eye on you.

I know where you're going every Friday night. You're dating different people, people you met on the internet, people you met at donations. Anyone. You want a family so bad, but you keep comparing everyone to me. Funny how I'm crippled, egotistical, cruel, workaholic and have a severe issue with human connection and yet no one seems to compete. All just more evidence that you're mine.

Maybe in college we never talked about our relationship but we knew. We knew that we were exclusive. When you went out with that man…Russell or Quincy…I can't remember, I was furious. Right or wrong… you never admitted it, denied if furiously. I saw you kiss him, I never told you that. I let you believe that I might just possibly believe you. I should have been honest with you but I believed that that was all I deserved. I didn't deserve you…

And so I worked even harder to drive you away.

I don't know if you're ever going to read this…I don't really care if you do…that a lie. Maybe I should just stop…it's only a letter afterall, it's not going to change everything about us. You're still my employer and I'm still your employee, that will never change. I'm sorry about kissing you…not about the kiss but about bringing all this up again. We had finally reached a point where we were getting along…forgetting the past.

-House

_And all the secrets that I keep  
You know I keep because I care  
But now there's no hope left for us so,  
Darling, let's just leave it there._

The note was folded up and stuffed in a small corner of the drawer. It took Cuddy a week to find it, she had been on a mission for a pen or pencil…she forgot when she found the handwritten note, folded with her name scribbled along the front. Suddenly his behavior around her, then and all together made more sense.

She cried herself to sleep that night, guilt wrecking havoc on her nerves. She cradled little Rachel to her chest and told the infant every little bit of their story, the girl was going to forget it anyway.

On the second night Cuddy was sitting with little Rachel, watching recorded episodes of General Hospital when she grabbed the phone and dialed a too familiar number. It rang three times before he answered the phone. The whole thing was so spur of the moment.

"Hello?" The voice was fairly kind.

"Wilson, can I ask you for a huge favor."

Of course he agreed and soon he was standing at her door, ready to take over the care of little Rachel for the night. Cuddy barely said thank you and good bye as she raced out the door. She had a mission tonight…

She was unlocking House's door, it was after all twenty three minutes passed midnight. She saw him asleep on the couch, there was an empty bottle of scotch and a photo of her. The TV was till on playing some infomercial.

Stepping quietly towards the drunk, passed out doctor, the place was surprisingly messy, but it was clean. She kneeled infront of him, gently brushing her fingers against his face.

"I sorry…I'm so sorry…" She whispered, tears rolling down her face.

A Friday morning found the two curled up, her head on his chest, his arm around her. They were awkwardly postioned on the sofa but neither noticed. His shirt was tear stained and her make up was smeared under her eyes.

They were back were they started, the first night when she needed his comfort, a night twenty odd years ago.

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	2. Chapter II

**_Ok. So I had to give them their happy ending..._**

Anyway, read and review!!

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He could feel her weight on his body, wrapped his arm around her waist before he even recognizing what was happening. The second thing he noticed was the dull throbbing pain all over his body. The focal points of such were of course his leg and his skull. Getting drunk last night wasn't a good idea. The sun streaming in from the window burned at his retinas. The women, who he still hadn't identified, shifted on top of him and he realized they were both fully dressed.

What the hell happened last night? His shirt was crusty from what he assumed were dried tears. The girl was clearly a brunette…maybe she wasn't a girl. Maybe she wasn't some hooker he hired late in his drinking. She was Cuddy. Lisa…

The questions started cycling and it only made his head throb more. He needed his Vicoden. And he needed it bad. He tried reaching for his pocket, where it should be, but an unconscious Cuddy was inhibiting his movements. And for some reason he didn't want to wake her from her slumber.

So he took to examining her. She didn't look happy, she looked…serene. It was interesting seeing her without some emotion playing through her eyes. He could always figure her out. But he couldn't figure out why she was draped over him on his couch. He gently brushed his fingers against her cheek and memories came flying back. He shook his head and instantly regretted the action. He stared at her for a few more seconds before trying to crane his neck to be able to see the clock. It was 1:47…in the afternoon.

"Cuddy…wake…up" He was pressing gently at her side trying to awaken her. There was no immediate response. Eventually she groaned and opened her eyes, revealing the gray eyes to him. They were confused and sleep ridden.

"What…" She started.

"I was about to ask you the same thing" House grunted while Cuddy pulled herself off him. He winced and attempted to get his Vicoden from his pocket. When he found the medication he threw back three and then recapped the bottle. Cuddy wiped at her eyes and tried to assess the situation.

"I…sorry." She muttered after a few minutes. She straightened her shirt and glanced out the window.

"Why…are you here?" House asked, really wanting an answer. She didn't reply.

"I read that letter." She looked down at her feet, she had left her shoes on the ground somewhere nearby.

House didn't have anything to say to that. The ringing of Cuddy's cellphone drew both their attention and provided a nice distraction.

"Hello?" Cuddy held the minute silver device to her ear. It was Wilson.

"Where are you? It's almost 2!" His voice was worried, not strict. House pulled himself off the sofa and grabbed his cane. He was heading towards the bathroom and then the kitchen.

"I'm…out." She breathed out, not wanting to disclose her location. "I'm coming home soon."

"Cuddy. I read that letter. The one from House." Wilson said quietly through the phone. "Are you at his place?" And to that Cuddy had only one response, completely freeze up and refuse to talk. The opening of a door drew her from her stupor and she noted that House was hobbling painfully towards his kitchen. She briefly wondered if he was going to attempt to find something to eat. All reports from anyone who had actually looked in his fridge were pretty bleak.

"Yes." She all but whispered into the phone.

"Did you sleep with him?" He sounded almost like a strict father trying to get the story out of his caught daughter. Cuddy smiled for a brief second.

"No. I…fell asleep on him though. We didn't have sex. He was passed out when I got here." She muttered trying to find her second heel. There was noise coming form the kitchen.

"Want something?" The diagnostician asked from the kitchen, his voice tentative and slow. Cuddy didn't know how to reply to that either. Was House really being nice to her? She kept up the pretense of trying to find her other shoe while still keeping the phone to her ear. Not that it mattered of course; she was ignoring everything he was saying. Wilson was lecturing her or something but she really didn't care, it's not like he was any good at relationships anyway.

"I have to go." She muttered into the phone. "Bye Wilson." And not really waiting for an answer she hung up on him. At her house Wilson was cradling the infant to his chest trying to figure out what to do with it; he wasn't surprised that Cuddy hung up on him. She wasn't as dissimilar to House and she would like to be. They were all very much alike, House stuck to his guns, Wilson hid behind a façade of kindness, and Cuddy tried to find some sort of balance. It wasn't working as well as she would like it to.

"What do you have in there? I've only heard negative responses from what your fridge looks like." Cuddy called to him, trying to stabilize on her heels. House smirked a bit and looked up at her.

"Cheerios." No snappy comments, no normal House behavior. Just…'Cheerios'. What was wrong with him? Cuddy started on the equation.

"I'm sorry." She whispered, only half hoping he heard. He stopped what he was doing. Attempting to put the milk away. He looked up at the ceiling for a minute trying to gather his thoughts. The next response was to put the jug in the fridge and ignore what she said.

"I…Quincy…I'm sorry." She kept going. "I didn't realize…I thought…"

"I let that go a long time ago Lisa." House finally replied. "That was over twenty years ago. It doesn't matter." He swallowed hard, this was almost cruel. He built up hers…and his…hopes with that letter. Time to crush them all.

"No." Cuddy snapped, something inside her breaking. "You wouldn't have written that if you were over it. You still cling to the hope that I'm still head over fucking heels with you. Guess what? I am. I never really got over you. What did Stacy say? You're the one. You're the only fucking one I can't get over." Her voice was ragged with pent up frustration. House leaned forward and rest his forehead against the fridge. He tried to breath in deep and buy time before he had to reply.

"My father was a very convincing man Lisa." House finally whispered. It was a pained, extended whisper, as if it took a lot out of him to actually admit he believed what his father said. Even twenty years later after finding out the man wasn't his biological father. Cuddy shook her head a bit.

"Your father was a self centered, egotistical, jerk whom no one really loved." Cuddy nearly snarled. She had met the man a few times and was unimpressed with each meeting.

"You're not describing my father." House growled back. Cuddy was about to retort when she realized that every word that fit with his father fit with him. Unwittingly she had just called the man his father.

"House…" She muttered, breaking. "I'm so sorry about Quincy." House didn't reply.

"I…I thought you might have known." She whispered. "I wish…"

"You wish what Cuddy?" House demanded. She sighed and wrapped her arms around her chest.

"I wish I hadn't allowed you to push me away." They were out there. She said she wished they had stayed together. Got married, honeymooned to the Caribbean, maybe had a kid and a house in the suburbs. House didn't say anything he just stared at the white fridge.

"I know." He muttered. They remained silent for a few seconds. "It's not too late." His voice was soft and a tinge timid.

"House…" She whispered, knowing where this was going. "We're…"

"You want something from me Lisa?" He said a bit louder. "A ring?" He started moving. Cuddy watched him hobble towards his room. It didn't take him long to find a small jewelry box his mom handed him twenty years ago. It had a old ring, his great grandmothers ring in it. She told him to give it to the girl who he talked so fondly of. It never happened but he never wanted to give it back. It sat in the back drawer of his dresser since then.

"House…" She was standing in the doorway of his bedroom, watching him dig through the mess of clothes to find the ring.

"Marry me." He said quickly, only really having the courage for a few seconds. "I can't get down…" He unconscienly rubbed his damaged leg. She stared at him for a few seconds.

"You know if I say yes you're…"

"Accepting that I've loved you all this time? Accepting a daughter?" He ventured slowly. She nodded. He simply looked down at the ring.

"Yes." She whispered, tears coming to her eyes. He slipped the ring on her hand and pressed his lips to hers. It was strangely gentle and long. Almost…tender?

Cuddy's phone rang again and she pulled away to answer it. It was Wilson again.

"Stop. You're either coming here or about to crawl in bed with House. You'll feel miserable if you do the first…" He was surprised when she didn't answer.

"Cuddy…" He tried for a response.

"I'm…" She stopped and looked up at her new fiancée. She chose instead to close the phone and pull the man into a second lip lock. When Cuddy finally relieved Wilson of Rachel it was 4:39. He didn't notice the ring on her finger or the soft smile that decorated her lips as she whispered to Rachel about the girls soon to be father.

When Wilson next saw House the man was sitting in the couch in Wilson's office. He was staring at what appeared to be a bridal magazine (but Wilson knew it had to be porn in disguise).

"Will you be my best man?" House muttered nearly silently. Wilson chose not to answer and to simply walk out of the office. He stood outside, counted to ten, pinched himself for good measure and then walked back in. House was smirking at him but clearly expecting an answer.

"Um…yes?" Wilson replied, confused as could be.

"I…asked Cuddy to marry me." House muttered, looking towards the window.

"And she agreed?"

"Clearly." House grumbled back.

"Did I die last night? Is this some sort of twisted reality?" For a second House thought Wilson was lying.

***

The day of the ceremony was a warm Sunday, the light was softly filtering through the cloud cover. It was an outdoor ceremony. Only two women stood at Cuddy's side, her sister nearest and Cameron, both in soft blue dresses. Wilson was the only man standing with House. A rabbi was saying the vows and both repeated them softly. When the rabbi said 'you may kiss the bride' House gently lifted the veil from Cuddy's face and pressed his lips to hers in a tender kiss. The whole ceremony was punctuated with a loud cooing noise made by the only infant in attendance. The result was a soft laugh coming from the bride.


End file.
